Jenny L. Hassell Dems Threw Treats at Celebs for Tail Wags — And That’s a No-No I’m sniffin’ around this giant bag of bones owed by the Dems after the big hooman vote party — and now they’re admitin’ to tossin’ Eleven Million heckin’ Treat Bucks to Beyoncé for a tail wag endorsement (even though she ne’er barked … Read more
You’d think a league that rakes in billions from TV deals, merch, and stadium deals could show a little love to the people who made it all possible: the fans. But nah. Tickets? $500 for the nosebleeds. Beer? $18 and warm. Halftime show? A social lecture wrapped in auto-tune. Oh, and don’t forget the games … Read more
Crazy Train by Ozzy Osbourne Most people hear “Crazy Train” and think Ozzy Osbourne was just being… well, Ozzy. But the Crazy Train meaning goes deeper than the eyeliner and riffs. And there may be a moment in life when you realize the people running the world don’t actually know what they’re doing. That realization … Read more
Previously on DOOL: Sawyer was pretty sure she hadn’t blinked since 6:45 that morning. Between taking notes on her Kindle Scribe during a Teams staff meeting, filming a shaky demo reel with three bouncy-ball dogs, and cleaning up whatever unholy snack Russo dragged in from the yard, she was fried. She sat cross-legged on the … Read more
You broke into a country, ignored the rules, and now you’re mad there are consequences? Newsflash: borders exist for these reasons:National SecuritySovereigntyEconomic StabilityLegal OderCultural Identity & Social Cohesion. Try breaking into a celebrity’s mansion and demanding free housing—see how far that gets you. It’s not racist. It’s called law. MIC DROP: You don’t lock your … Read more
Big Doggo Made Big Promises — And Heckin’ Kept ‘Em! Big Doggo Trump told all da hoomans he was gonna do big stuffs last year — and he did a heckin’ lot, no bones about it. 🦴 He stopped da Biden belly-growls (dat inflation thingy). He built a big ol’ fence to keep da border … Read more
No Sniffin’ Elon’s Snacks: Trump Says “Let All the Biz Bois Woofin’ THRIVE!” Evrywone sayin I gonna ruin Elon’s zoomies by takin away his big treat stash from da big hooman gov. Dis a heckin’ lie! I want Elon — and all da biz bois in Snacklandia to THRIVE. Like tail-waggin’, zoomin’, biscuit-stackin’ thrive! Da … Read more