Once upon a time, theme songs aired at night – right after dinner, right before the world got quiet – and somehow, they said the things we needed to hear out loud. Back in the day, a 30-minute show would dedicate a minute and a half to a song with a story or a moral theme. We grew up with it – with the wisdom hidden in the joy of song. Some of y’all haven’t ever heard an 80s TV show theme song, and it shows.
Look—I’m not saying any of you turned out wrong.
I’m just saying… if you’ve never stood in your kitchen belting out “You take the good, you take the bad…” with no shame and full diaphragm, and grew your hair out like Jo just so you could put it up in a ponytail (I still do that…), then I can’t help but wonder where your emotional and moral foundation even came from (I’m totally kidding… parents… you had parents!).
Those theme songs?
They raised us, in a way.
Taught us values, friendship, resilience, and how to hit a high note while scraping the last spoonful of Rice-A-Roni off our plates.
If nothing else, they taught us how to sing.
And singing – even badly – is joy.
Joy you could count on every week at 7:00 PM, right after the local news and just before your mom hollered, “Have you done your homework yet?”
Remember these? They are like best friends now…
The Facts of Life:
“You take the good, you take the bad, you take them both and there you have the facts of life.”
Every introduction therapy session should start with these words. “Hi, I’m Dr. Phil E. Feels, nice to meet you. Here is your welcome pack. It doesn’t sugarcoat a single thing—it just says, ‘Yeah, life’s a dumpster fire sometimes. Here’s some chopsticks. Stir it up’.” You’re not getting out of this thing with clean hands, my dawg. Take them both, the good and the bad. And then maybe nap.
The Golden Girls:
“And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew, you would see the biggest gift would be from me, and the card attached would say ‘Thank you for being a friend.’”
Like… who WRITES a lyric like this and expects me not to sob into my Kraft macaroni and cheese, please. It’s pure love. It says your friendship’s value to me is huge, and I will make every effort to make sure you know the impact you’ve made in my life. It’s friendship that shows up, remembers your birthday, and brings the good wine. This is where the phrase “ride-or-die” had to have originated.
Diff’rent Strokes:
“Everybody’s got a special kind of story… It don’t matter that you got ‘not a lot’. So what? They’ll have theirs and you’ll have yours and I’ll have mine! And together we’ll be fine!”
This one right here? This is equal parts pep talk and middle finger to classism. Like, “Yeah, I’m weird, broke, and using a spork I stole from the school cafeteria – SO WHAT?” It’s about finding your shine and letting other people have theirs. It’s a reminder that we don’t need to be sorted into the “haves” and the “have-nots,” or the “cool kids” and the “nerds.”
We can all live side by side—even if my tray has lemon sorbet and yours has Neapolitan—we both still get dessert.
Laverne & Shirley:
“There is nothing we won’t try. Never heard the word ‘impossible.’ This time, there’s no stopping us.”
This line showed up in kicks with no plan but all the courage. Laverne & Shirley were chaotic good before that was even a thing. Broke? Yep. Underqualified? Absolutely. But did they give up? NEVER. This line is pure “girlboss with drywall screws and audacity.” Gettin’ it done no matter what.
The Jeffersons:
“Fish don’t fry in the kitchen. Beans don’t burn on the grill. Took a whole lot of tryin’ just to get up that hill.”
I’ll be honest —I sang this song for decades without understanding it. Then I landed in a job where I was (am) appreciated, supported, and allowed to thrive. That’s what it means. You’ve leveled up. Your scrappy days are behind you. You’re not frying fish in a tiny kitchen choking on the smoke anymore – you’ve upgraded to a patio and a grill outside now.
It’s a lesson in hard-earned progress and patience.
And winning.
So much winning.
(Sorry, not sorry—you’ll never get tired of it.)
Happy Days:
“These days are ours.”
Period. Simple. Owning the joy. Not “we hope to have good days,” but they are already OURS. We callin’ ‘em – right here right now. We are taking what is ours. These days, this moment, this messed up Tuesday morning when that second cup hit just right – yours. That’s a holy whisper, harkening to “this is the day the Lord has made.”
Welcome Back, Kotter + Cheers:
“Welcome back to that same old place that you laughed about…”
“Sometimes you wanna go where everybody knows your name, and they’re always glad you came.”
I put these two together because, for me, they’re speaking the same language of belonging. Fitting in somewhere. Feeling wanted is one of the most basic human emotional needs (Cheap Trick “I Want You to Want Me”, anyone?) We need the kind of welcome that doesn’t care how long we’ve been gone, how many failures we’ve logged, how many bad decisions we’ve made, or how weird we’ve gotten – just happy you’re back. As Maslow taught us in Psych 101, once you’ve got food and shelter, what you really need… is to feel wanted. In our younger years, we didn’t think we’d need it. We could fly on our own, we thought. But for the most part, we are boomerangs. We never knew how good we had it, and we want another cup of it. This is that, and this is how we learned it.
Dukes of Hazzard:
“Just a good ol’ boys. Wouldn’t change if they could. Fightin’ the system like a true modern-day Robin Hood.”
I do not condone running from “the law” or jumping a car into a courthouse fountain—but I am saying this lyric is lowkey about standing your ground and staying true to your beliefs (you have to know what those are first, though), even when the world wants to put you in khakis and make you sit at a desk for the rest of your life. Be a little wild.
Speed Racer:
“When the odds are against him… you bet your life Speed Racer will see it through. Go Speed Racer, go!!”
This is not a man who overthinks. This is a man who commits. He wakes up, sees a flaming racetrack with zero jersey barriers in sight, and says “Let’s GOOOO.” Honestly? I aspire. Sometimes you have to launch headfirst into chaos just to figure out what the chaos even is. You can’t fix what you don’t understand—so go get the facts, and don’t be afraid of what you find there. It’s all in the knowing – so go know.
Growing Pains:
“Show me that smile again. Don’t waste another minute on your crying…”
This isn’t some “walkin’ on sunshine” jingle. It’s more like a soft command that says, “Hey, I know it’s rough, but don’t unpack and live there.” It’s a gentle tug back to the light. Even if your smile’s crooked, forced, or smirky as hell. Just show up with it.
They don’t make ‘em like they used to. Today’s shows don’t have intros like this, and it makes me sad for this generation.
So it only makes sense to let B.J. Thomas take us home.
He helped raise us with Growing Pains, but his other lyrics from his cover of “I Believe In Music” hold just as much soul.
Sing it with me:
“Lift your voices to the sky, God loves you when you sing!”
Louder now.
We’ll harmonize in the comments.
Absolutely accurate and I miss those classic theme songs!