What God Wouldn’t Let Me Forget:
“Your gentleness makes me great.” – Psalm 18:35
There are days when I feel it rising in me – that sharpness. The sigh that turns into an eye roll and biting sarcasm. The reply that’s a little too fast, a little too cutting. I don’t even notice it at first. It shows up when I’m tired or overextended or trying to do too much for people who don’t seem to notice or care.
But then I hear it in my own voice – that clipped tone. That edge. And I realize in that moment I am someone I don’t want to be. Someone who leads with defense. Someone who hears but doesn’t listen and consider. Someone who’s quicker to judge than to understand.
I used to think people were just born that way. I thought some people were just born with little tolerance and no desire to understand others. Later, I thought maybe they became that way because of what life handed to them. Now I am starting to believe it happens even more slowly, almost like erosion. Death by a thousand cuts – disappointment, hurt feelings, long days, unmet needs. They pile up until you don’t even realize how hardened you’ve become. It’s not a big shift – it’s subtle – and somehow that makes it more damaging because of the surprise element.
Then eventually, it starts to feel normal, which is not who I want to be at all.
That’s what bothers me most. Not the occasional big outbursts or big breakdown, but the slow, quiet wearing down of my softness. Everybody breaks, whether they want to admit it or not. We all lose our cool and yell or throw something. But life has a way of naturally and slowly chipping away at kindness and compassion because life cuts so deep and so often.
There are plenty of reasons I could give for being short or frustrated or cold. I can justify it with the long list of things I juggle, or the people who have let me down, or the simple truth that I’m stretched too thin most of the time. But when I look at how God treats me – how He responds to my mess, my attitude, my weak moments – I can’t ignore the way He leads with gentleness.
It’s not just here and there. God is constant and never-changing. He leads with gentleness over and over again. It’s like God is in my brain singing the Gloria Estefan version of “Everlasting Love.”
Open up your eyes, then you’ll realize, you’ll never be denied everlasting love!
— from “Everlasting Love,” written by Buzz Cason and Mac Gayden
He brings me back to the same verse in the Book of Psalms, the one I can’t seem to shake: “Your gentleness makes me great.”
That’s the part that I try to keep with me. That God’s strength isn’t just found in His might or justice, but in His gentleness and His grace. And if that’s what made David great, then I have to believe it can shape me too.
I’m not asking God to make me soft in a weak or naïve way. I’m asking Him to help me keep my heart open when it would be easier to close it and be done – with people, with life.
I’m asking Him to make me strong enough to stay kind, even when I’m worn down or angry or absolutely justified in my frustration. I don’t want to be someone who used to be kind but got hardened over time. I don’t want to become someone who hides behind “life’s happenings” as an excuse to be cruel.
The world doesn’t need more people who are mean with a smile. That fakery is not a solid foundation for any relationship, big or small. The world needs people who carry truth with humility, boundaries with grace, and strength with gentleness.
So that’s what I’m praying for.
Because left on my own, I know exactly who I’ll turn into, and I don’t want that person to be the one showing up in my relationships, in my words, or in the mirror.
And there goes God and Gloria in my brain again: Be a lasting part of everlasting love!
Prayer for Sustained Softness
Lord, I don’t want to become someone hard to be around. When life wears me thin, keep me gentle. When I want to snap, remind me how You speak to me….gently, and with everlasting love!
In case you missed last week’s Still Waters…. click here!